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(This post is dedicated to my father. Much love Dad, always, and thanks for passing along that half-full glass)
I was 14 years old, and growing up in Wisconsin. During this particular summer my dad, who on his days off from the county sheriff’s department was a very good carpenter, asked me to help him build a garage, basically from scratch.
Truth be told, I was much more interested in playing baseball and hanging out with my friends, but I said yes anyway (although I’m quite sure I would have still helped him if I said no!).
It was a two week project, and it was one of the longest two weeks of my life. I have absolutely no aptitude for carpentry. In my hands, a hammer was a dangerous tool capable of putting holes where holes shouldn’t be, and bashing fingers into submission. A drill was a mysterious electric implement that was incapable of creating a straight hole.
Although I was of very little help to my dad, he kept on trying to teach me what he knew (which was plenty). He was well versed in the “measure twice, cut once” school of carpentry, and it was actually fun to watch him work. Unfortunately, that’s what I preferred to do – watch.
His patience with me, in looking back at these two weeks, was actually quite remarkable. He tolerated my mistakes, always spent time with me in trying to correct them and never really got mad at me.
I think what happened eventually is the lesson in this piece – that sometimes, you really can’t teach somebody something, and the lesson is in knowing when it is a lost cause. My dad probably realized early on that I just wasn’t going to catch on, and didn’t push me as hard as he could have.
I just wasn’t going to be “Mr. Handyman”. And my dad accepted that.
As you would guess, he never asked me again to help him on any of his carpentry jobs. Luckily, he knew I had other talents that would eventually help me make a living, and encouraged and supported me as I finished high school and got an accounting degree in college.
Because numbers I could work with. I didn’t need a hammer! Just a 10-key (at least then).
As I’ve developed as a manager and teacher these past 26 years after graduation I’ve always remembered that garage, and the lesson it passed along – part of being a good teacher is figuring out right at the outset the student’s capacity to learn the material.
By the way, miraculously that garage is still standing, 34 years later. I bet my dad straightened out a bunch of those nails when I wasn’t looking! 
(Note: This is the third selection of my “Joyful Jubilant Learning – The Reprise” series. This post originally appeared on JJL on June 26, 2008)
{ 4 comments… read them below or add one }
I find your tone and style very warming. I watched a video or two of you and your colleagues at SOBCon. Terry you are deeply in touch with yourself and I find that more refreshing than words will describe. As a sensitive male, it has been a challenge to be taken seriously as a strong and confident person and professional in a society that expects that all men to behave conservatively and with a type of inner strength that stays faithful to the common denominator. I’m never going to be that guy. Sadly I think we will all miss out for these sexist stereotypes. Women know very well what I’m talking about too. Your kind of calm, peaceful and introspective approach to speaking. And writing is so damn inviting and though I’m a bit more demonstrative, I relate to your inside-out way of living. This was a terrific piece and I felt the love you both have/had for one another despite the superficialities that divided you. I admire you and your dad for seeing these differences as incidental personality affinities and nothing more. Keep it up, Terry. It’s a treat every time.
Hi Scott, thanks for those kind words. You are correct -my Dad was a great influence and inspiration to me, even though our interests and aptitudes differed so greatly. He valued work, and sacrifice, and family.
Thanks too for your words of encouragement – you can bet I will keep pressing on!
All the best,
Terry
Very good lessons here! It reminds me how much fun it is to build things with my son who is currently 4 years old. He helps a lot in the beginning and gradually loses interest but I keep inviting him to be involved. Your dad as much as anything probably just enjoyed being around you during the process!
To your point about trying to teach someone something they “can’t do” I don’t really agree with. There is nothing we can’t do, now we may not do it well, but we can embrace how bad we suck at it. Actually that reminds me of the scene in keeping the faith when Ben Stiller’s character tells a young man with a pubescent voice just that. I personally believe that overcoming that challenge could have been of equal or greater value. You could have gotten a lot better then and I bet if you really tried you could build a garage now. It might take you longer than your own father of course. Challenge yourself! Step out of your comfort zone.
This reminds me alot of when I used to help my dad out, and know that I am a father myself I find myself doing this with my own kids. The big circle of life kinda cool