Dear Fear:
I thought it was time you and I had a chat.
I suppose you’ve seen that I mentioned you in my 2009 mantra, “No Fear, Stay Proud“.
Yep, I wanted to get your attention. Hence, my little shot across the bow.
I know what it’s like when you get in my face. Our relationship goes all the way back when I was 5 years old, when I felt you close for the first time. I’m sure you remember – my swimming teacher was shoving my head underwater at the time.
Not a nice introduction. I still can’t swim because of you.
Then there were those times as a school kid where you got in the way while I was trying really hard to be accepted by my classmates. I still have this need that makes me say and do things that I later regret.
As a young adult, you were still quite the hanger-on, weren’t you? Especially with me and my buddies at the local dance halls. You kept me pinned to the bar rails, unless someone rescued me and made an introduction (or I was absolutely sure I’d get a “yes”).
In 1987 you gave me really rotten financial advice when the stock market went down on Black Monday. I sold everything when I just should have stuck it out.
You laughed so hard when I lost my job in the 90’s – yes, I did hear you. You rattled me for a little while but I somehow kept you at arms length and landed another job.
In the last 15 years we’ve continued to have our ups and downs – mostly ups, because I’m getting a little better at tuning you out.
I know how destructive you can be. I know how irrational you can make me. Reacting to things that don’t exist. Creating self-fulfilling negative prophecies.
You can paralyze me, and keep me from moving forward – the direction I really want to go.
Or you can make me think too far ahead, and not enjoy what I’m doing right now.
Now this isn’t to say I don’t like to have you around sometimes – I do. Like when I’m about to make a speech, or sing a song. You really know how to pump a guy up. Dare I say you can be better than a triple latte.
It’s just that I want you to be my friend on MY terms, not yours.
So I may have gone a little overboard by repeating “NO fear” ad nauseum, but you really can’t blame me, can you?
A little hyperbole can’t hurt you, right? 
Thanks for your understanding, and I look forward to our next little chat.
Until then, don’t call me – I’ll call you.
Regards,
Terry Starbucker
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Terry, Fear seems to be making its rounds trying to get someone to invite him (or her) in. I uploaded my post for tomorrow a few hours ago and the topic is also fear. I almost feel sorry for fear, almost but not quite. I’m with you don’t call me I’ll call you.
Hi Terry,
I like this! Especially the ending, “Until then, don’t call me – I’ll call you.” ^_^
I think this is a very honest courageous post. And isn’t it funny that fear uses pretty much the same tactic to everyone? Where is the person who DIDN’T worry about being rejected by his or her classmates??
Terry, I read this just after reading Karen’s great post on the same subject, and I am so proud of both of you for sharing these insights into the ‘relationship’ with fear. Getting it out of the shadows and into the open can help us all learn how to grow stronger.
Best wishes as ever
Like other unhappy emotions and experiences (grief, for example) you wisely point out it is not a matter of putting the feeling or experience behind one (not possible) but where to put it in one’s life.
Sometimes we may put it to the right, just out of peripheral vision as we prepare for a situation calling for bravery, knowing it is there.
Other times God, the fates or whatever may put it way in the distance.
Perhaps we get distracted by unexpected joy or fell the warmth of being genuinely helpful and, for a bit the fear or other downer is so far in the distance to be out of sight.
-a new and avid fan of Terry Starbucker, thanks to Phil G.
Terry,
This is one of my favorite posts, one that everyone can relate too, especially with the economy as it is.
The following lines were the two that really resonated with me.
“You can paralyze me, and keep me from moving forward – the direction I really want to go.
Or you can make me think too far ahead, and not enjoy what I’m doing right now.”
Bravo! VickyH
Terry,
Fear is always up for me, but I try to follow my next step and not worry too far into the future. That helps. I relate to this:
……….Then there were those times as a school kid where you got in the way while I was trying really hard to be accepted by my classmates. I still have this need that makes me say and do things that I later regret………
Underneath it all, people are just people.
Blessings!
Terry,
I read Karen Swim’s article on fear and just finished yours. Fear is something I know very well. Your sentence “It’s just that I want you to be my friend on MY terms, not yours.” is a very important sentence. Thank you for sharing this wonderful post!
Terry, THANKS! Thanks for the laugh, and the gentle reminder about how fear can impact life, and hold us back from experiencing our BLISS.
A Very Appropriate topic for my day, today.
Great post! Fear, the friend that keeps on giving. We lug ‘em around….until they’re our closest, bestest friend, demanding all of our true emotions, isolating us.
Thanks for being so open about ‘your friend’, our friend.
Thanks Karen, Akemi, Joanna, Kare, Vicky, Michelle V, Ulla, Michelle, and Zane!
I appreciate your collective insights on this post – that’s what I love about this medium. It’s like planting a tree and watching it grow, adding new branches and going off in different directions.
We all are friends with fear. Any and all perspectives on how to deal with it is welcomed and appreciated.
Thanks again, and all the best to you all!
Terry
Terry I’m regretting not stopping by your blog sooner! What a wonderful post. When I look back on life I see how much fear has held me back over the years. I long to teach my children how to overcome their own fears and have a happier experience.
Terry,
That’s strange, I seem to have a similar relationship with my own fears, who have stuck by me through thick and thin, always very keen to remind me of times which I have failed, what I can’t do and why I am not up to the task.
Nevertheless, I must say that my most rewarding experiences so far have come from the few occasions where I have ignored the council of this ‘friend’ and stepped out of my comfort zone.
Great post, Terry. As always, you are an inspiration.
That’s a fine angle on fear and different from what I have seen before. Sometimes personalizing an emotion can help us better regulate the feeling and produce a better outcome.
I’ve linked from my blog to the article.