As part of a consistent “Glass Half Full” approach, sometimes it’s the words we DON’T use that are more important than the ones we do. In developing my philosophy of “Half-Fullism” I’ve found that these 5 are the ones that I take the greatest care to avoid:
- “Never” – This one is just too finite for me; as I’ve said before, negative absolutes like these box you in, and if used too often, can turn someone into an outright pessimist.
- “Nice” – Just too imprecise of a word; I dislike it so much I “banned” it from my vocabulary.
- “Impossible” - An optimist just can’t say this and still be called an optimist (can they?)
- “Can’t” – There’s a story behind this one; my old boss used to have a poster on his wall that said this: “It can’t be done”……”It can’t be done”……..”It can’t be done”…….”It can’t be done”……………...”It’s done”. This boss literally drilled “can’t” out of me, and I’m grateful that he did.
- “Hate” – Maybe my least favorite word of all; probably because I appreciate the opposite word so much. Am I too Pollyannish to believe in love and the essential goodness of people? I certainly hope not.
What about you – what are the words that you try most to avoid?
(this post originally appeared on RFGHF on January 22, 2007, just in case you had read this before and has a little case of deja vu) 
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{ 12 comments… read them below or add one }
trying to get over the urge to respond with “nice”…
I would add “always”. Its a word I overuse particularly in spats with hubby. I’m working on cutting that one out.
Terry, nice post, as always. I can’t bring myself to hate anything you write – not never. Now, if only I could eliminate…hey, wait a minute…
Terry, my word is “hard”. Swap it for “less than totally easy” and you’ll notice an instant shift in your attitude and approach – you focus on the bits that are already easy, and your mind automatically starts looking for ways to narrow the gap till it becomes *totally* easy.
It’s worked wonders for me.
Joanna
A word I really feel is overused is the word promise. At one point that word may have carried some weight, unfortunately in today’s world it seems that promises are as flexible and fluid. I’d rather receive a simple “I’ll get right on it and let you know when I’m done.” At least then I’m not getting my hopes up because in life anything can happen.
I also try to keep the word “but” out of my vocabulary. It’s a small word, still it’s the downfall of a great many conversations. Too often people try to attach a compliment followed by the word “but” and then a criticism. Takes the wind out of the original compliment.
While I have often heard it is best to avoid words like “never”, “can’t”, and “impossible” I cannot say that I have ever really made a concerted effort to eliminate them. We do discourage our kids from ever using the word “hate” though.
I’ll have to pay attention to my use of these words and see how often I am using them now and what I can do to change that.
Thanks for the insight and giving me something to think about.
Terry, this is a great list. Like Judy, I’d add “always,” because in my mediation work I hear people use “always/never” language in ways that only serves to de-rail and complexify already difficult conversations.
Right on! I avoid the hate word at all costs.
It has always felt like too strong of a word and just plain wrong.
Thanks for adding it to the list.
Now see, I love the word “nice.” I’d rather eliminate the word “but” (credit goes to Stephen Hopson) because it seems like every time I use “but”, it comes up as an excuse.
Terry, I LOVE this post. Truly terrific coaching, and I shared it with the MWA Ho‘ohana Community: http://snurl.com/2dqbs Mahalo for the inspiration!
Great adds too everyone: I definitely concur with Judy and Tammy on “always,” and more great coaching Joanna on swapping “hard” for different intention. Like Luis and Karen I would add “but” for eliminating the “yeah but” preemption in the workplace has been a current obsession for me.
Terry, this got me thinking about 6 other words that mean a lot to me. I would like to share them with you– a friend of mine had recently read Harmonic Wealth by James Ray and showed me a section because she thought it reminded her of me. That is how it all began. (lol!)
James Ray said, “If your not growing, you’re dying.” Six simple words that I really needed to hear. I guess it was because I was complaining to my friend that I just wasn’t feeling stimulated enough. It wasn’t as if I was doing anything “bad” in my life, so I was not sure why I was not feeling right. After learning this idea, I realized that “staying at even par” is not enough. That bad feeling was because by not growing, I was staying in the same place, just plodding along towards my death in a way. Doing nothing has negative consequences. But if I was to start growing, I would be moving my life forward, expanding it into something much more exciting! That’s what living is all about.
After I finished reading Harmonic Wealth, I realized I needed to commit myself to a lifetime of learning – it did not end when I threw my graduation cap in the air. Check it out for yourself… (Link) By the way, the Spanish classes I singed up for are going great
Here’s the link to the website where I bought the book: harmonicwealth.com/read
A James Ray Fan
Terry, this is a great post, thank you … I came to say hello, thanks to Rosa!
I agree with all the words on your list and all those added in the excellent comments (though am guilty of using all of them!) but think the most important to avoid, the most dangerous, is ‘impossible’ … and totally agree that optimists must surely, by definition, see the possible (or at least be willing to look for it!)
Another word I would add is ‘failure’ because seeing things as ‘failure’ encourages the fear of failing, which I think is just plain silly! I always try and think of ‘failure’ as an opportunity to learn, or at least a good attempt at success!
Thank you Judy, Steve, Joanna, Luis, Derek, Tammy, Loraleigh, Karen, Rosa, James Ray Fan, and Dianne for stopping by, and for your comments and additions to my “words to eliminate” list.
Just to keep track, here are the additions:
“Always” – An absolute we certainly shouldn’t use
“Hard” – same as can’t, isn’t it?
“Promise” – This can be overused to the point of irrelevance
“But” – Yes, but….
“Failure” – amen to that!
One more thing – I really loved the quote that James Ray Fan presented – “If you are not growing, you’re dying”. So true.
Thank you all again, and all the best!