In one of my favorite novels, “The World According to Garp” by John Irving, Garp warns his son about the undertow at the beach, and the son then imagines a monster who lurks beneath the sea waiting to suck him under, known as the “Under Toad”. While the metaphor it represented in the book was much darker, I have recently connected the Under Toad to my own life.
In my world the Under Toad is the accumulated weight of thoughts of the past and future that literally pull you under the present, to where what’s going on at that very moment is of the least importance. This particular Under Toad is dangerous too, not only dangerous to truly living the “Half-Full” life, but potentially physically dangerous.
I fell prey to the Under Toad on a couple of occasions this past weekend, and I’d like to share these as a way to help myself as well as anyone else who is apt to let this monster into their head. First, as I was traveling back to the east coast from the Rockies last Friday I was happy to encounter a friend of mine on the plane; I was in the front and he was in the back, so when he passed by I promised I’d catch up with him after we landed.
What happened? The Under Toad got me after we landed and I was full of thoughts about what I was supposed to do tomorrow and into the next week, so I walked off the plane, breezed through baggage claim (I never check bags), got into my car, and then sped towards home. 10 minutes later my friend called me – “where are you?” Bummer. Fortunately, my friend was very understanding after I profusely apologized.
The second instance really got me – I was hurrying out of the house and into the garage to go to the supermarket in anticipation of my wife’s return from California (hurrying because I was thinking “I’ll never get all the work done I need to do today”) when I realized I forgot my cellphone – that compounded the Under Toad because I then also added my displeasure about having to return to the house.
I got the phone, got in my car, and proceeded backwards – into our closed garage door! In my hurry I had forgotten to open it. The Under Toad had sucked me completely under, and I knew it. Fortunately the damage to the door was minimal enough that a push here and a hammer there got it back to good operating condition. The car wasn’t so lucky – I’ll probably need to replace the back bumper because of the scratches.
The funny thing is, I should have seen this coming – the pace of life had picked up considerably in the last month or two, and I had been having smaller “tugs” by the Under Toad that weren’t as significant.
In the wake of this, now fully aware of what was happening, my wife and talked about my need to get back “in the moment, fully present”. My mind was too jumbled. I needed to banish the Under Toad back to the depths of the sea. That’s what I’m trying to do this week – keep in the present. I’m lucky to have folks that can help me, like my wife, friends and all of you who face the same struggle and are good enough (and brave enough) to share your experiences and lessons.
So, if I may offer this advice – watch out for the Under Toad!
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Love this analogy, Terry! And the thing I hear from your adventures is a reminder for me to stay in my own moment. One thing that really works for me is to see red lights as a message to slow down. Each red light, to me, is a chance for me to be grateful for something I see around me (today it’s the tiny little snowflakes that are floating around in the air, but not touching the ground).
I’m also reminded of Jonny Lang’s song “Red Light” which has great lyrics – and helps me use those red lights as mini-meditations.
Thanks for sharing your adventures – I know these latest episodes will help you see the harried parts so you can appreciate the opposite of those when things are calm and peaceful.
Thanks again for all your insights!
I never read the book, but Garp is one of my favorite movies with Robin Williams. The Under Toad is a great metaphor for this.
Last week I was thinking about something, a lot of somethings, and went into my living room to see if my granddaughter was into something because it was quiet and my daughter had gone upstairs. I looked around, still preoccupied, and didn’t see her, so I assumed my daughter took her upstairs. Then my daughter came back downstairs alone. I asked her where the baby was. She told me she was asleep in the living room. I looked. There she was. Wearing a red sweatshirt asleep on a blue carpet and I never saw her. The Under Toad had me big time.
ah yes, the under toad… I had not heard that in awhile but it definitely is present (if you are not careful to be fully present) and shows itself at inopportune times.
good luck avoiding the under toad!
Thanks Jodee, Rick and Steve for your comments.
Jodee, (by the way, listened to your show on Sunday – thanks for playing my song, and were you able to fix that Steve Winwood CD?), you are right – I will appreciate more those quiet times when the Under Toad is way down below.
Rick, yes the Under Toad got you too. Oh those preoccupations! I need to banish them to the basement.
Steve, I like the word “careful” – that’s really the best approach to take, because it implies greater awareness. Thanks for the good wishes too.
All the best to you all!
Terry: You are perhaps the third person I’ve EVER heard from who has listened to the show! Thank you so much!
No, I didn’t get the CD figured out – it made for some scrambling on my end, since half the show was on that CD! That will teach me to test the CDs before the show!
I’ll play a couple of new songs on Sunday, and will kick off the show with “I Can See Clearly Now” since I am having Lasik surgery tomorrow! I can hardly wait!
Great song choice – I love the Johnny Nash version of that one; it’s an all time favorite. Best wishes on the Lasik!
Boy, do I know your pain. I’ve driven past exits, left a bottle of water on top of my truck’s roof (I realized it as it spilled down the windshield as I hit reverse) and walked to a colleagues’ office more times than I can count only to arrive and have no idea why I was there.
(Geez, I sound nutty!)
I find that I need to very purposefully stop and make time to catch my breath. I don’t know why I can’t seem to retain this, but when I do slow down — I am more effective.
Thanks for the reminder…I think you just gave me an idea for a post…
best,
Drew
Hi Drew, thanks for stopping by. I think you hit on a good tool to slow down – breathe. And be aware that you are doing it. That really seems to work for me (especially since the Under Toad got me!). Look forward to your post. All the best.
Hey Terry,
Isn’t it funny how we let that old Toad get the best of us and we don’t even notice it? It’s like we’re slowly sucked into some vortex and we forget to breathe. The next thing you know the world revolves around us and our problems. I shake my head and laugh when I think of how I do that.
A tug on my structure, my headphones break, suddenly little things aren’t little anymore. If only I would remember to stop holding my breath.
When I remember to breathe everyone gets so much nicer.
Hi Liz! It is truly worthy of laughter when we allow ourselves to get sucked into that vortex. Actually, every time I look at that scratch on my car I laugh. I’m thinking of not fixing it so I continue to have this excellent visual reminder of the Under Toad. Who needs a scratchless car anyway? Thanks for stopping by, and all the best!
The timing of this post is serendipitous, because I needed to read it. If you have tips, I’d love to hear them!
So far, what I’ve tried to do is just sleep… and enjoy the treat of lingering in bed. I set three alarms (soft music, nothing jarring), and wake at the first one. I have a few minutes to wake up, and then between the second and third I get to feel luxurious and pampered for staying under the covers.
Hi Christina – As I noted in the post, you really need another person to help you- that’s the key. Helpers can “see” you differently – they see the Under Toad more clearly.
And oh yes, sleeping in is good too!
Thanks, and all the best!
Terry, thanks so much for reminding me of this… Garp is one of my all time favourite books too.
I’ve been letting thoughts of past and future weigh on me too, not so much that I’m getting distracted but I’m not paying attention to the wonders round about me, and feeling my thoughts heavy rather than light.
It’s much easier to think about a Toad than it is to unpick all the thoughts! So I’m going to practice keeping him firmly at bay this weekend and see how things unfold..
Hi Joanna -You are so right – it is easier to think of that Toad. I think we all go through those “heavy” times you speak of – that’s what prompted me to come back to this post. I felt a bit unsettled the last couple of days. It’s all too funny that I end up having to go back and re-read my own advice! Ah, such is life…
Thanks, and as always, my very best regards.
Terry