Comments on: Do "Nice" Guys Really Finish Last?

By: The New Age of Nice: Right Sentiment, Wrong Word | TerryStarbucker.com

The New Age of Nice: Right Sentiment, Wrong Word | TerryStarbucker.com — Sun, 31 May 2009 21:45:58 +0000

[...] because of the word’s confusing etymology – as I had noted on my previous attempt to discontinue its use a couple of years ago, even the dictionary itself couldn’t sort it all [...]

By: starbucker

starbucker — Fri, 27 Oct 2006 04:14:00 +0000

Thanks for your comment – I know what you mean; on a couple of occasions I had the same thing happen to me. I too thought that the “bad boy” allure was common with all women at one point, but then I met my wife and I knew it wasn’t the case. They do exist, and hopefully someone just like my wife will come into your life. Here’s hoping, and all the best.

By: Anonymous

Anonymous — Thu, 26 Oct 2006 13:31:00 +0000

This former “nice guy” is damned tired of having his heart rended and being thrown away by women he loves, only to have them come back to him and complain about the way that the “bad boy” treats them.

Are there any women out there who appreciate being treated like platinum, or is the danger that goes with dating the “bad boy” that alluring?

By: starbucker

starbucker — Tue, 17 Oct 2006 19:50:00 +0000

Thanks for your comment! I agree with you on the scapegoat thing -”nice”, however you define it, has very little to do with how well we do, or don’t do. All the best.

By: Anonymous

Anonymous — Tue, 17 Oct 2006 05:21:00 +0000

The fact of the matter is that there ARE nice guys out there who are successful with women. There is also an element of self- proclaimed “Nice Men” who use the tried and true adage of Nice Men Finish Last as a kind of scapegoat. These type of men will defend this saying to the death. I used to be one of these type of guys, until I got real with myself. As painful as is was, I had to admit to myself that I simply was no good with women- and that is no one elses fault (or problem for that matter).

By: starbucker

starbucker — Sun, 01 Oct 2006 13:58:00 +0000

Blaine, thanks for the comment! Your point is well taken -in fact I had considered “please explain yourself” instead of “so what” in my post. We are who we are, that’s for sure, but a little constructive feedback is always a good thing – as long as the word “nice” isn’t involved! All the best.

By: Blaine Collins

Blaine Collins — Sat, 30 Sep 2006 18:09:00 +0000

Terry, I absolutely agree with your Popeye outlook. At the same time, getting honest feedback is useful, so I try to take advantage of it. Whenever I get feedback that does not ring true, I try to use it as an opportunity for self-reflection.

I recently got "nice guy" from a colleague with whom I had seldom interacted before. Because I knew I would be working with this person more, I asked for details. The response was that they thought that I might not project myself forcefully enough when it came time to "advocate" for the team.

Someone who was more familiar with me might not have had that impression, but this colleague did. Thinking back, I realized that in at least one of our previous encounters, I had indeeed under-represented my position. Thus, the "nice guy" tag reinforced my ownassessment and gave me a better grasp on how I can be viewed by others.

As you point out, the term "nice" is largely useless. It's so vague that it can cloak otherwise valuable feedback.

By: starbucker

starbucker — Sat, 30 Sep 2006 12:09:00 +0000

Thanks Ann and Drew for stopping by!

Ann, thanks for the advice about Liz, and I hope Phil was listening

Drew, you mention “sweet” – I’d forgotten about that one; I’d always wince when I’d hear “he’s so sweet” . Yuck. Look forward to your Belief statement!

By: Drew McLellan

Drew McLellan — Sat, 30 Sep 2006 05:57:00 +0000

Ah, I love this post! I get niced quite a bit but the one that really makes me wince is "sweet."

It's not that I object to being sweet...or nice. But those words have connotations that I don't associate with myself. As Liz suggested, it's not just nice, it's "too nice" and I hear that in my head as "sucker." Who wants to be called that?

Your objection to the word is a good reminder to all the copywriters out there. What a word means via the dictionary is often not what our audiences hear.

I've enjoyed your posts for quite a while...thanks for making me think. I'm still working on my I Believe statement. I'll share it with you when I am done pondering it.

By: ann michael

ann michael — Fri, 29 Sep 2006 23:29:00 +0000

I’m completely with you on this. “Nice” means so much that it doesn’t mean anything anymore – it’s filler.

(besides, Liz isn’t all that nice – she’s supportive, nurturing, sharing, but don’t even think she won’t kick your butt if she thinks you need it!!! Be careful, Phil, be very careful!)